Aries21 Mar – 19 Apr
The 3,600-year clock is not your problem yet. Ask again in 1,100 years. Do not agree to the framework, only to the meeting.
Favourable: a working pen.
Sun actually in Pisces for most of these dates.
Horoscopes
Cast for the ecliptic as it is, not as published.
These readings are cast against the true sidereal positions. Precession has moved the constellations roughly one sign along since the tropical zodiac was fixed, which means that on the dates your newspaper calls Leo, the sun is in Cancer.
We are aware this makes our horoscopes disagree with everyone else's. We have been told, by letter, forty-one times this year, that this is unhelpful. It remains our position: if a column is going to be wrong, it should at least be wrong about the sky that is there.
Cast for October 20, 2026. Generated deterministically from the date in Ithaca by thirty-nine lines of code, which is described on this page because a horoscope that will not say how it is made is two kinds of dishonest. Readings are fiction and are not a forecast of anything.
If today is your birthday
Someone will ask you to keep a confidence you did not want. Keep it. It will cost you less than the alternative.
One reading, for everybody born on this date, of whom there are approximately twenty-one million alive. The desk considers this no less specific than the alternative.
Taurus20 Apr – 20 May
An old acquaintance resurfaces with a plausible story and a slight lisp. Photograph the plaque before the renovation begins.
Favourable: the number 11.
Sun actually in Aries for most of these dates.
Gemini21 May – 20 Jun
The moon's resonance is 2.7 per cent off nominal. You will feel it around four. Pay in cash and keep the receipt somewhere damp.
Favourable: an unlisted number.
Sun actually in Taurus for most of these dates.
Cancer21 Jun – 22 Jul
Saturn is in a favourable aspect, for Saturn. Say the number out loud. It will not be the number you were told.
Favourable: someone else's umbrella.
Sun actually in Gemini for most of these dates.
Leo23 Jul – 22 Aug
Ley alignment is strong along your commute. Take the other road. Decline the upgrade. Decline the second upgrade more firmly.
Favourable: the colour of wet slate.
Sun actually in Cancer for most of these dates.
Virgo23 Aug – 22 Sep
Your file was moved this week. Nothing was added to it. Write the date on the back. In pencil. You will want to change it.
Favourable: the shorter queue.
Sun actually in Leo for most of these dates.
Libra23 Sep – 22 Oct
Your neighbour's smart meter is reporting more than electricity, but not about you. Ask who is minuting the meeting. If nobody is, that is the answer.
Favourable: a bus timetable.
Sun actually in Virgo for most of these dates.
Scorpio23 Oct – 21 Nov
Someone in a beige building has your name in a list of names. Take the stairs. The lift logs floors, and today it is logging enthusiastically.
Favourable: quiet.
Sun actually in Libra for most of these dates.
Sagittarius22 Nov – 21 Dec
The ring system is quiet today, which is not the same as safe. Be kind to the archivist. Archivists remember.
Favourable: a brass key.
Sun actually in Ophiuchus, then Scorpius for most of these dates.
Capricorn22 Dec – 19 Jan
A letter arrives that was posted before you were born. If the form has no reference number, it is not a form.
Favourable: a second cup.
Sun actually in Sagittarius for most of these dates.
Aquarius20 Jan – 18 Feb
A carrier wave you have been ignoring resolves into a word. Sleep with the window open. Not for the air.
Favourable: a paper map.
Sun actually in Capricornus for most of these dates.
Pisces19 Feb – 20 Mar
You will be asked to sign something. Read the annex, not the summary. Return the borrowed book. It is overdue by more than you think.
Favourable: unsalted butter.
Sun actually in Aquarius for most of these dates.